Today, I am 34 weeks and one day. If I go full term, I have six weeks left. If I go twin full term, I have three weeks left. Either way, the girls aren't far away from being in my arms instead of protruding from my belly.I must say that I have been blessed with a very easy pregnancy--no morning sickness, not too much discomfort and only a week of bed rest. In fact, the worst of it has come in the last couple of weeks with the increased swelling (even my jeans are tight below the knee) and the increased leg/back pain. (I long to lie flat on the floor and swing my legs to one side as my back readjusts itself.)
Thinking about how blessed I've been with this easy pregnancy has started to make me worry about my parenting of newborns. Is Karma going to find me? Am I going to end up ripping my hair out and having a complete meltdown the first few months of their lives because I had it so easy for nine months? I know it sounds a little silly, but it's starting to manifest as a real fear in my brain.
I've got tons of support from family and friends, but I can't help but think that about the overwhelming responsibility to two newborns! Part of me says, "You'll just take it one day at a time and will be just fine." Another part of me says, "You'll never sleep, the house will be a mess, and you will have a breakdown over the whole thing." Both sides of me are probably correct to an extent. I can't stand disorganization--either in physical messes or in situations--so I'm sure I will lose my mind from time to time because I just can't grasp control. I'm just hoping that every time I look at Mac and Cheese's little faces, it will all melt away. Dirty dishes, stacks of mail, unkempt hair...I just won't care, right? Because a little chaos is worth it just to have them look at me as if I'm the greatest person on the planet.
I cannot imagine what it's like to have twins, but I can say that one of the hardest things for me was learning to let things go. There have been many days where I have been very grumpy about the state of my house, but when I have to decide between playing with my daughter or making my house look perfect...my daughter wins every time.
ReplyDeleteI do highly recommend the book "The Happiest Baby on the Block" by Harvey Karp. It made the 'colic' times a lot easier, and both my husband and I were able to get plenty of sleep. Well....almost. =)
I think you're having normal fears, but I KNOW you're going to be a spectacular mom.
ReplyDeleteAnd you're probably correct that both sides are right to an extent: You'll lose some sleep and your house won't be as organized as you'd like, but just remember when you're close to a break down, you've got a number of grandparents and a ton of "aunts" to help you through.
And if that advice doesn't work, then just remember that Mac & Cheese won't remember much of the early years, so make what they remember be the times that you and Tim played "horsie" with them for hours on end rather than the time you were curled up in a ball in the bathroom, crying uncontrollably because you missed a credit card payment by 3 days.